Divorce and back to school issues

As a new school year begins, new issues may arise if you are recently divorced.  Juggling two households with children, homework, and after school activities can be a challenge.  For the welfare of your children, it is imperative that you and your former spouse be on the same page concerning education.  Although the divorce may have ended your relationship as spouses, it did not end your relationship as parents.  Provided that there are no restraining orders in place you, your former spouse and the child can enjoy an productive and shared school experience.

Some helpful tips for dealing with school include:

1. Make sure you are both authorized to receive mailings, notices, report cards, etc directly from the school;

2. As early as possible, review the school calendar and confirm arrangements for all school holidays / closings

3. Decide if you can attend parent-teacher conferences together and make the necessary arrangements if you can’t

4. Each parent should have a place for the child to do homework and should have basic school supplies on hand

5. Develop and relay a consistent message on the importance of school and your shared expectations as parents

These are just a few tips that can ease veryone’s stress level as a new school year begins.

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Facebook doesn’t cause divorce

if you watch the news or read almost any magazine today you will have confronted a headline that reads something like this: DOES FACEBOOK CAUSE DIVORCE?.  The answer to that question, in my opinion, is a definitive NO.  Divorce is difficult to comprehend and an unwelcome disruption for many people.  A swith illnesses or other tragedies, we often look to find a ready made solution.  In today’s digital world, Facebook has become a convenient “cause” for divorce.

There is no one uniform cause or reason for a divorce.  I have seen a multiude of factors which lead people to seek a divorce. Many times it is certain behaviors on the part of the spouse that make a divorce necessary.  Facebook allows for easy communication between friends and re-connecting with old friends and, perhaps, old loves.  But the simple act of connecting does not cause a divorce.  Is this were true, people would have been blaming the phonebook for their divorce!  in my view, social medial outlets such as Facebook can create two conditions which may feed off one another and exacerbate the personal feelings that may lead to a divorce.

First, despite being social in nature, outlets such as Facebook can become time consuming which leads to isolation and break down of communication between the spouses.  This reality can build feelings of lonliness and resentment.  Overtime, these feelings can become rather destructive. 

Connecting with friends and family can also create the often misguided belief that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.  Viewing pictures, reading about trips, accomplishments of children, and similar milestones can make the reader feel jealous or insecure.  These feeling drive a need for a change and that change is often divorce.

Whatever personal feelings are leading to a divorce existed before, and independent of, Facebook.

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Child can request to be emancipated?

A finding that a child is emancipated terminates the legal obligation of the parent’s to provide financial support to the child.  Child support obligations end once a child is declared emancipated.  Given the financial ramifications of deciding that a child is emancipated, it is a decision the courts do not take likely and an emancipation hearing is generally initiated by the non-custodial parent.

However, in a recently decided case of first impression, the court granted a child’s request to be emancipated.  Using the same analysis that would apply if the parent were seeking to emanciapte a child, the trial court judge found this 18 year old to be “beyond the sphere of influence” of her parents.  As summarized by the NJ Law Journal:

FAMILY LAW — CHILD SUPPORT
20-4-7418 Ort v. Ort, Ch. Div., Family Pt. — Ocean Co. (Jones, J.S.C.) (9 pp.) Once a child of divorced parents turns 18, it is very common for a noncustodial parent to immediately attempt to emancipate the child and terminate child support. This case, however, presents a completely opposite legal issue of first impression: What happens when a child who turns 18 seeks her own emancipation over parental objection, i.e., when a parent asserts that emancipation is premature or otherwise inappropriate because the child is allegedly still within the sphere of parental influence? Pursuant to Rule 1:36-2(d)(2) and (6), Ort addresses important questions of family law and the right of an 18-year-old “child” (now adult) to independence from her parents. [Decided May 3, 2012.]

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Should I get a divorce?

Many prospective clients, after telling me of the trials and tribulations they have experienced during their marriage, ask me if I think they should get a divorce. While the self-serving response would be an unequivocal “Yes”, I tell them that the decision on whether to divorce is not mine to make. In a no fault state such as New Jersey, the reasons one may want a divorce are personal and subjective. They only time I advocate a swift and definitive course of action is when I am made of aware of the fact that the client or the children are victims of abuse.

In response to their plea for guidance I tell them that the decision to divorce is a deeply personal one that will impact very aspect of their life and the lives of their immediate and extended family. My opinion is that everyone deserves to be in a healthy and mutually beneficial relationship. Marriage is hard work and even strong marriages experience bumps in the road. The question each individual contemplating a divorce must answer for themselves is: at what point do the bumps in the road become too frequent or too severe?

My role as an attorney is to advise clients of the legal consequences of their decision whether it be to remain in the marriage or proceed with a divorce. Prolonging the marriage can be a benefit to some; particularly of they are the economically dependent spouse. Deciding to end a marriage at a certain time can impact the duration of alimony, the possible obligation to contribute towards college costs of the children, and the valuation of marital assets. These economic realities are key considerations and must be considered equally with the emotional aspects of deciding to divorce.

For the emotional and personal considerations, family, friends, therapists, and religious leaders can prove to be invaluable. These individuals are either trained in dealing with the emotional aspects of divorce or at least can provide a comforting, and free, shoulder to cry on. Attorneys, in general, are not trained as counsellors or therapists; nor is it an efficient use of our time and the client’s legal fees.

The decision to divorce or not is best made using a team approach comprised of an attorney, trusted family and friends, and therapists and / or religious figures. Since all of these figures may play a role in the pre-divorce life of the client it makes sense that they be involved in the divorce process with each entity assuming their proper and productive role.

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Parents have obligation to protect child from abuse – even when the other parent is the abuser

In a recently decided case that was approved for publication, the court stressed the responsibility of a fit parent to protect a child from an unfit parent.  While this may seem like common sense, it is a responsibility that can become complicated to act upon when the abuser is the other parent.  The fit parent could also be a victim of domestic violence and this may make him or her unable to stand up to the abuser.  The key is early intervention and obtaining a domestic violence restraining order to stop the cycle of abuse.

 

FIT PARENT WHO FAILED TO PROTECT FROM UNFIT ONE LOSES HER RIGHTS
New Jersey’s high court has declared that even a worthy mother can lose her parental rights if she fails to protect her children from an abusive father. “The issue before the trial court was not whether [the mother] was an inherently unfit parent incapable of raising a child,” the court held in DYFS v. F.M., A-108-10. “Rather, it was whether [she] was capable of protecting her children from their unstable and potentially violent father, who refused to seek appropriate treatment to curb his drug abuse and address his mental illness.” The court affirmed a Passaic County judge’s ruling that consideration of all relevant factors weighed in favor of terminating the rights of the mother in two children.

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