Many prospective clients, after telling me of the trials and tribulations they have experienced during their marriage, ask me if I think they should get a divorce. While the self-serving response would be an unequivocal “Yes”, I tell them that the decision on whether to divorce is not mine to make. In a no fault state such as New Jersey, the reasons one may want a divorce are personal and subjective. They only time I advocate a swift and definitive course of action is when I am made of aware of the fact that the client or the children are victims of abuse.
In response to their plea for guidance I tell them that the decision to divorce is a deeply personal one that will impact very aspect of their life and the lives of their immediate and extended family. My opinion is that everyone deserves to be in a healthy and mutually beneficial relationship. Marriage is hard work and even strong marriages experience bumps in the road. The question each individual contemplating a divorce must answer for themselves is: at what point do the bumps in the road become too frequent or too severe?
My role as an attorney is to advise clients of the legal consequences of their decision whether it be to remain in the marriage or proceed with a divorce. Prolonging the marriage can be a benefit to some; particularly of they are the economically dependent spouse. Deciding to end a marriage at a certain time can impact the duration of alimony, the possible obligation to contribute towards college costs of the children, and the valuation of marital assets. These economic realities are key considerations and must be considered equally with the emotional aspects of deciding to divorce.
For the emotional and personal considerations, family, friends, therapists, and religious leaders can prove to be invaluable. These individuals are either trained in dealing with the emotional aspects of divorce or at least can provide a comforting, and free, shoulder to cry on. Attorneys, in general, are not trained as counsellors or therapists; nor is it an efficient use of our time and the client’s legal fees.
The decision to divorce or not is best made using a team approach comprised of an attorney, trusted family and friends, and therapists and / or religious figures. Since all of these figures may play a role in the pre-divorce life of the client it makes sense that they be involved in the divorce process with each entity assuming their proper and productive role.
